3 weeks later

Lots can happen in 3 weeks!  For example:

I know which way to turn out of my neighborhood to get to several grocery stores, the Y, the church, and various other locations.  And, most of the time I can find my way between those locations and back home.  It's amazing feeling a little more settled.

I also know where I should go to buy certain things, and when to avoid HEB like the plague. I'm learning about my new friends, and I'm grateful to be making some.  

But what I'm learning mostly is that I'm forgiven.  3 weeks ago I felt like I had gone off the rails completely with my eating habits.  And I had. I had fallen into loving food so much that it became an idol in my life.  You may be reading this and thinking that I'm crazy - but here's my reality.  Maybe you've heard the story where the Israelites melt down all the gold they have between them and make a golden calf to worship.  They couldn't see the One True God, and they were struggling - so they made their own and worshipped it.  I can relate.  Maybe I didn't make an ice cream cone of gold - but I might as well have.  You see, when the Israelites worshipped the golden calf, they were giving it their adoration and their thanks, and their worship.  I have been giving my adoration and thanks and worship to my food. 

Ugh. That's hard to swallow.  Quite literally.  But, yesterday, as I sat in church and listened to the worship band proclaiming the freedom from sin that Jesus provided - I was mesmerized.  We sang these words:

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished 

It was my sin that held Him to the cross.  But He brought me life. It's finished. This sin of idolizing food, of overeating, of giving into all the cravings that I know won't bring me health or joy...the power those things had over me, are no more. It is finished. 

I'm grateful. 

So today, I'm living in that freedom.  I'm a week in to a Bible Study called The Lord's Table which helps me to feast on Jesus instead of on foods.  I believe that freedom from this life-dominating sin has come.  I believe that He has already forgiven me, and He has given me the power to overcome through The Holy Spirit. 

I also realize that some of you reading this may think I'm being a bit extreme. There are people who might overeat here and there, or indulge themselves in extra dessert that are NOT stuck in a life-dominating sin.  I'm not attempting to accuse anyone.  I'm simply stating that for me, my heart and actions were not what Jesus wanted.  I wanted to take the biggest cookie before my kids could pick it. I was obsessed with food, and gave it a place in my life that no one desires...except for Jesus. 

I wonder if anyone else grapples with this, but has been either ashamed to say it, or has been told by others that it isn't a big deal.  I went through a huge weight loss journey, and was given victory in that regard...but I was still enslaved to food.  It still was my god. I just was able to fight hard enough to lose the weight.  This time, I don't want it to be about the weight...I want it to simply be about bringing glory to God...and being free from the bondage of sin. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts, or answer your questions.  I'd love even more to hear your story, and be able to share with you that Christ the Overcome has paid for this. You can be free too.