Today is Day 1. Day 1 of my reset with food.
I'm about to get real...I've gone off the rails. I am craving things that I haven't craved in months. I'm wanting to eat handfuls of chocolate chips out of my pantry, or wanting to shove all the cookies into my mouth while no one is looking (because Culinary Nutrition Expert's don't eat gluten-containing cookies by the bucketful). But, I'm realizing that I must be honest about where I find myself in my food journey.
2 years ago white sugar was my drug of choice...food was what I ran to for comfort and happiness. I tackled that. Except I didn't. A heroin addict wouldn't go back to just a little bit every so often. An alcoholic would not be advised to drink in moderation. And a sugar addict can't expect to control her addiction to sugar by only eating it on "special occasions."
Special occasions quickly move from birthdays and Christmas to Wednesdays at 8:15pm when my kids are finally in bed and my husband is still not home from work because it's his long day. Everyday moments become special occasions on a weekly and then daily basis. It's a slippery slope - at least for me.
So, thanks to Melissa Hartwig's advice in her book Food Freedom Forever, I am beginning Day 1.
I haven't failed. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not going to beat myself up - because I'm still light years ahead of where I was 2 years ago. I just need to get my "sugar dragon" tamed.
I want to do two things with this post:
1. Outline my plan so that I know it, and so you know it. And you can ask if I've been eating sugar cookies in my bathroom while I hide from my kids again (not that I've ever done that, ok, maybe just that one time).
2. Encourage you in your relationship with food to be honest with yourself and with others. Take one step forward today. You deserve it.
Here's my plan for the next 30 days (that means day 30 lands on February 23rd).
1. I won't eat gluten containing grains in any form, dairy, soy, corn, or sugar (of ANY kind). No technically compliant "treats" that will trick my brain into believing I'm eating dessert or junk food of any kind.
2. I won't get bogged down by the fact that I'm not doing a true "Whole30." I know that soaked rice, oats, and legumes don't bother me physically or emotionally. These aren't my concern during this reset.
3. I will stay compliant through all the Valentine's Day goodies that people eat, my daughter's birthday, and while Barry and I are aware for a marriage retreat in February.
4. I will reintroduce foods slowly and methodically paying attention to how my body feels physically, and especially how I feel emotionally as I reintroduce specific foods.
That's it. With those things, I invite you to ask how things are going. Call me out if you see me trying to sneak over to Amack's to get a delicious mocha, or trying to grab a cookie (because cookies are my weakness). It will not kill me to not eat these foods. It won't. It'll make me healthier. And it'll help me continue to heal my relationship with food.
Relationships with food are complicated. Extremely complicated. Since our childhood we have believed certain things about food and allowed it to tell us certain things about ourselves. Think about this. Is food rewarding? Is food or abstaining from it a way to punish yourself? What does food tell you about who you are? How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel different based on what you eat or don't eat? I challenge you to think about these questions. Ponder the idea of having a relationship with food. I'm convinced we all do. I'd love to hear what yours looks like, and how you plan to work on it.
I'm about to get real...I've gone off the rails. I am craving things that I haven't craved in months. I'm wanting to eat handfuls of chocolate chips out of my pantry, or wanting to shove all the cookies into my mouth while no one is looking (because Culinary Nutrition Expert's don't eat gluten-containing cookies by the bucketful). But, I'm realizing that I must be honest about where I find myself in my food journey.
2 years ago white sugar was my drug of choice...food was what I ran to for comfort and happiness. I tackled that. Except I didn't. A heroin addict wouldn't go back to just a little bit every so often. An alcoholic would not be advised to drink in moderation. And a sugar addict can't expect to control her addiction to sugar by only eating it on "special occasions."
A little less than 2 years ago as I just began to realize I had an unhealthy relationship with food.
So, thanks to Melissa Hartwig's advice in her book Food Freedom Forever, I am beginning Day 1.
I haven't failed. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not going to beat myself up - because I'm still light years ahead of where I was 2 years ago. I just need to get my "sugar dragon" tamed.
I want to do two things with this post:
1. Outline my plan so that I know it, and so you know it. And you can ask if I've been eating sugar cookies in my bathroom while I hide from my kids again (not that I've ever done that, ok, maybe just that one time).
2. Encourage you in your relationship with food to be honest with yourself and with others. Take one step forward today. You deserve it.
Here's my plan for the next 30 days (that means day 30 lands on February 23rd).
1. I won't eat gluten containing grains in any form, dairy, soy, corn, or sugar (of ANY kind). No technically compliant "treats" that will trick my brain into believing I'm eating dessert or junk food of any kind.
2. I won't get bogged down by the fact that I'm not doing a true "Whole30." I know that soaked rice, oats, and legumes don't bother me physically or emotionally. These aren't my concern during this reset.
3. I will stay compliant through all the Valentine's Day goodies that people eat, my daughter's birthday, and while Barry and I are aware for a marriage retreat in February.
4. I will reintroduce foods slowly and methodically paying attention to how my body feels physically, and especially how I feel emotionally as I reintroduce specific foods.
That's it. With those things, I invite you to ask how things are going. Call me out if you see me trying to sneak over to Amack's to get a delicious mocha, or trying to grab a cookie (because cookies are my weakness). It will not kill me to not eat these foods. It won't. It'll make me healthier. And it'll help me continue to heal my relationship with food.
Relationships with food are complicated. Extremely complicated. Since our childhood we have believed certain things about food and allowed it to tell us certain things about ourselves. Think about this. Is food rewarding? Is food or abstaining from it a way to punish yourself? What does food tell you about who you are? How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel different based on what you eat or don't eat? I challenge you to think about these questions. Ponder the idea of having a relationship with food. I'm convinced we all do. I'd love to hear what yours looks like, and how you plan to work on it.
Hey Jessi! Fellow CNE here. :) I also struggle with my relationship to food and have been working on this for years. I understand how difficult it can be to sort out. It's still a work in progress for me! Having my identity tied up with being "the healthy eater" in the family makes it difficult to eat anything not labelled as "healthy" without feeling judgement from myself or from others.
ReplyDeleteAnother issue that I feel cannot be ignored when we are talking about health and relationship to food is body image and weight. We learn that if we weigh over a certain amount, we must be unhealthy. I honestly think that for many people, especially women, our body image or fear of being/getting fat is strongly related to our relationship with food. I don't know if this is true for you, but it is for me. I'm chubby (technically obese, but I have issues with that word and the negative connotations in the medical paradigm), so no matter how I eat or live and no matter how I feel, I tend to feel like I must not be doing something "right" because my weight doesn't go down. I think my relationship with food would be better if I didn't feel the need to be thinner. Tackling body image issues is, for me and many others, a way to separate food and health from moral obligation.
We are also taught that if we are unhealthy, whether thin, "normal", or fat, that there is something morally wrong with how we live our lives. If only we made better choices, we would be healthy. I think these ideas are damaging. Yes, we can make changes in behaviours to be healthier, but we don't have control over everything.
Ultimately, I think that focusing on things other than food can be a better way to cope with food issues (as counterintuitive as that may sound). For example, asking "What else do I need to feel healthy (other than food)?" or "What do I truly need right now?" can help. Sometimes what we truly need is food! But we also need to take care of other aspects of our lives to be healthy. Sometimes focusing too much on food can make us want food more. That's true for me at least.
There are some Heath at Every Size advocates that have helped me work through these issues and be able to make choices that truly support my wellbeing. They are Dr. Linda Bacon (who wrote the books Health at Every Size and Body Respect) and Isabel Foxen Duke. Also, Christy Harrison of the Food Psych podcast. If you haven't checked them out, I think their perspective might be interesting to you.
I can relate to this struggle and I hope your Whole30 plan helps you out! If it doesn't, you can always try something else. Self-compassion goes a long way, which is something you have for yourself, it seems. <3
Thanks for your comment! I am so thankful for your insights with thinking through body image as well, and for your information on "Health at Every Size." I can't wait to look into that. Your comment about taking the words "healthy" or "good/bad" connotations away from foods is completely needed. I hope as the "healthy" person in the family you can stand your ground and begin to help others see that "healthy" is much more than just physical health.
DeleteI need some snacks that satiate vs satisfy tastebuds for my kiddos. We go through fruit and Lara bars like crazy! We have all been doing whole thirty and I feel like they are leaning more towards fruit because it is sweet. Any suggestions from you or any Reclaim GBG, Reclaim BV would be amazing!
ReplyDeleteI hope you saw my reply on Facebook. Let me know if you didn't! I have trouble with snacks for the kids too. Good fats is my key! If I give them fat with fruit, it satiates them for longer...most days. :)
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