should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
Ash Wednesday falls on Valentine's Day of all days this year. I've been trying to wrap my mind around these two celebrations all day. I've been rather melancholy, similar to the weather, and just quiet. I'm pondering today the idea that Ash Wednesday is a celebration of love in itself. It's the beginning of a preparatory season looking toward an empty tomb on Easter morning. It's a season of lament, of sacrifice, of giving alms. It's for looking inward in an effort to look outward and upward. This season of Lent is rich.
Valentine's Day, in my opinion, is a day created by Hallmark to make more money. It's a gimmicky day where people spend entirely too much money on flowers that are already dead. I've never been one to celebrate the day with Barry - I don't know that we've ever celebrated it...but it is a fun day for my kids, to wear pink and red, and eat chocolate covered strawberries which are the best.
So today I'm wearing a pink shirt and a red puffy vest, I'll make heart shaped grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and hopefully have a meaningful conversation with two dear friends while are kids run wild playing and basically destroying my house.
But I digress from where this post began:
should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
I've been working my plan, eating pretty well, avoiding sugar. But I've craved it something fierce. And I've also been working my business plan, reading books about how God created me, and making some MAJOR life changes.
In the midst of all of these things I've realized something:
I have lived most of my life based on those horrible things: should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
I base my decisions on what I "should" be doing as a mom, adult, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc.
I am ashamed when I cannot keep up the appearance of doing all that I "should."
I am full of guilt when I make a decision based on my own need, or family's need instead of "should."
I also am filled with fear at making the wrong decision, or not doing all that I "should" be.
Then I resent the decision, or the very people I'm trying to love and do right by...or even worse I resent myself or God.
I am bitter.
I live in judgment of myself, and others.
And it's ugly. It might as well be a pile of burnt cinders and ashes. And it is.
And yet. Ash Wednesday comes. It comes with a reminder to me that God is in the business of making beauty from ashes.
That process isn't pretty, or easy, or quick. (Oh how I wish it were). But God is making something beautiful.
Today I challenge you to think about Lent in a new way. Think about Lent as a time to give something up that has taken hold of you. Maybe it truly is chocolate, or coffee, or soda, or Facebook, or maybe it's less tangible like should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement. Instead of using Lent as a great time to work on your physical body by losing extra pounds and going on some sort of crazy diet - use it as a time to work on your spiritual/emotional/mental body as well. Think about what God could make beautiful in you in this season. So much of our journey with food and caring for our health is outside the realm of what we take in through our mouths. We need to care about that, but we also need to care about what we take in through our senses and what we allow to take root in us.
So, I'll keep working my plan of walking with Jesus...and I'll keep asking Him for direction on what to physically put into my body...but I will not live in the land of what I "should" or "should not" eat...and that's where I've been living. There's no right or wrong with food, just better or worse.
Tonight I'm embracing worse as I gobble heart shaped grilled cheese sandwiches, hugs from my kiddos, and authentic conversation.
He's turning ashes into beauty. Right here in these moments. I refuse to miss them because I'm consumed by should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
Ash Wednesday falls on Valentine's Day of all days this year. I've been trying to wrap my mind around these two celebrations all day. I've been rather melancholy, similar to the weather, and just quiet. I'm pondering today the idea that Ash Wednesday is a celebration of love in itself. It's the beginning of a preparatory season looking toward an empty tomb on Easter morning. It's a season of lament, of sacrifice, of giving alms. It's for looking inward in an effort to look outward and upward. This season of Lent is rich.
Valentine's Day, in my opinion, is a day created by Hallmark to make more money. It's a gimmicky day where people spend entirely too much money on flowers that are already dead. I've never been one to celebrate the day with Barry - I don't know that we've ever celebrated it...but it is a fun day for my kids, to wear pink and red, and eat chocolate covered strawberries which are the best.
So today I'm wearing a pink shirt and a red puffy vest, I'll make heart shaped grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and hopefully have a meaningful conversation with two dear friends while are kids run wild playing and basically destroying my house.
But I digress from where this post began:
should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
I've been working my plan, eating pretty well, avoiding sugar. But I've craved it something fierce. And I've also been working my business plan, reading books about how God created me, and making some MAJOR life changes.
In the midst of all of these things I've realized something:
I have lived most of my life based on those horrible things: should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
I base my decisions on what I "should" be doing as a mom, adult, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc.
I am ashamed when I cannot keep up the appearance of doing all that I "should."
I am full of guilt when I make a decision based on my own need, or family's need instead of "should."
I also am filled with fear at making the wrong decision, or not doing all that I "should" be.
Then I resent the decision, or the very people I'm trying to love and do right by...or even worse I resent myself or God.
I am bitter.
I live in judgment of myself, and others.
And it's ugly. It might as well be a pile of burnt cinders and ashes. And it is.
And yet. Ash Wednesday comes. It comes with a reminder to me that God is in the business of making beauty from ashes.
That process isn't pretty, or easy, or quick. (Oh how I wish it were). But God is making something beautiful.
Today I challenge you to think about Lent in a new way. Think about Lent as a time to give something up that has taken hold of you. Maybe it truly is chocolate, or coffee, or soda, or Facebook, or maybe it's less tangible like should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement. Instead of using Lent as a great time to work on your physical body by losing extra pounds and going on some sort of crazy diet - use it as a time to work on your spiritual/emotional/mental body as well. Think about what God could make beautiful in you in this season. So much of our journey with food and caring for our health is outside the realm of what we take in through our mouths. We need to care about that, but we also need to care about what we take in through our senses and what we allow to take root in us.
So, I'll keep working my plan of walking with Jesus...and I'll keep asking Him for direction on what to physically put into my body...but I will not live in the land of what I "should" or "should not" eat...and that's where I've been living. There's no right or wrong with food, just better or worse.
Tonight I'm embracing worse as I gobble heart shaped grilled cheese sandwiches, hugs from my kiddos, and authentic conversation.
He's turning ashes into beauty. Right here in these moments. I refuse to miss them because I'm consumed by should. shame. guilt. fear. resentment. bitterness. judgement.
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